When I wrote a column last week calling New York Democratic congressman Anthony Weiner yet another Broken American Male (BAM) that needs to feel attractive to women in order to feel whole, one of the outlets that publishes my columns refused to publish without significant changes. “It sounds like you’re making the assumption that he’s lying about being hacked.”RELATED:The Weekly Schmooze: Anthony’s WeinerNot really.There are good and bad liars and to his credit Anthony Weiner is a terrible liar - one of the worst I have ever seen.var zflag_nid='794'; var zflag_cid='1091/988'; var zflag_sid='122'; var zflag_width='300'; var zflag_height='250'; var zflag_sz='9'; There are good and bad liars and to his credit Anthony Weiner is a terrible liar. One of the worst I have ever seen.Weiner’s TV interviews in which he relates that had been pranked were full of classic “tells:” He blamed the Republicans for his troubles; he constantly looked away from the cameras; his answers were riddled with non-sequiturs; he made infantile jokes about being attacked by his toaster; his reason for not turning to law enforcement agencies over the “pranks” was apparently because he didn’t want to waste their resources. If there is any truth to the widespread theory that men who cheat actually want to get caught, then the stupidity of Anthony Weiner in sending tasteless pictures of his underwear to complete strangers constitutes high proof indeed. In his confessional press conference Weiner was asked what he was thinking. He responded he honestly did not know. I do.He was thinking at the time that it felt darn good. To be wanted by women made him feel special. To have strangers want to check out his state of arousal made him feel desirable. To have women lust after him made him feel accomplished. This isn’t rocket science. Men like Anthony Weiner live in the permanent fear that they are not special. Their greatest fear is that they are ordinary. And they spend their lives trying to disprove that fear. But he’s a congressman, you say. Yes, but he’s not a senator. And if he were a senator, then he’s still not president. And even if he were president, he is still not carved out on Mount Rushmore. There is always someone more accomplished, more special, more beloved. It is a peculiar trait of the Broken American Male to always be combative, to forever be on the defensive. Because the BAM always feels that he is under threat. And when you nurse feelings of failure of that magnitude you need something – anything – to rescue you from the blues. Women are the quickest and most reliable way for broken men to feel good about themselves. But they are also the most destructive. Not because you’re going to get caught as a married congressman who breaks his vows. But because the online or offline affair is like any other drug that masks rather than remedies pain. You have solved nothing save to put a salve on your fragile ego. When the novelty of the affair wears off, or when the woman in question loses respect for you for behaving so immaturely and hurting your wife, you’re going to feel even worse, further confirming that you really are a loser after all. And then the addiction will only increase. You’ll need a more radical drug. A stronger hit. In this case, more women. And that’s when you’re going to start getting reckless and careless, sending out tweets on Memorial Day Weekend from the Blackberry of your bulging underpants without even checking that you’re sending it to the right party. And before you know it, you've exposed your extreme state of brokenness to 45 thousand followers. There is a better way of course. You have a wife, Huma Abedin, pregnant with your first child. Go and tell her how broken you are, how you take so little joy from your many achievements. How you have a cavernous black hole at your center that were all the gold and fame in the world cannot fill. And as your wife listens she offers you comfort. She tells you that you don’t – you can’t! – spend your life proving yourself. You are not special because of the titles you possess or the property you own. You’re special because you’re loved. And you don’t have to earn that love. It’s a free gift given by a woman to a man. All you have to do is be open to receiving it and dismiss the self-loathing that makes you feel unworthy of that love and causes you to bat it away. It takes no activity on the part of a man to be loved by his wife. All it takes is being passive. Learn to live in comfort in your own skin. Be accepting of yourself and find your unique place in the world that is not in competition with others. Work on yourself to be happy for the success of colleagues. Their success is not your failure. Every person has share in this world and you will find yours, so long as you do not envy that of someone else. So, did Anthony Weiner want to be found out? In a manner, yes, but it’s more subtle than simply saying he subconsciously wished to expose himself. Rather, he wanted to get rid of the pain. He wanted to live free of the feelings of failure. He would do anything to be liberated from washout demons that forever haunt him. So he cried out – even to a complete stranger – to help him. He used the immense power of the erotic not to draw closer to his wife but to soothe his macerated ego, not realizing that all of his followers – whom he has consistently sought to impress with Twitter proclamations of TV appearances, charm, and wit – would just see a man desperate to be loved. Sometimes he pursued that love by telling his constituents how much he fights for them. Sometimes he pursued that love by making sure we all know that a former US president officiated at his wedding. And sometimes he pursued that love in the most toxic way possible, by desperately seeking the affection of a woman – any woman – to make him feel desirable when all along a woman that was not a stranger desired him so profoundly that she agreed to be his partner and soul-mate for her entire life. The writer, known as “America’s Rabbi,” is the author of The Broken American Male and How to Heal Him (HarperCollins). Follow him on Twitter @RabbiShmuley.
